Parenting is tough.
Raising a child with special needs or sensitivities is an unimaginable level above tough. It is complex, exhausting, and bewildering at times. As a parent of an exceptional child (and a neurotypical child too) I know all too well how chaotic things can become and how easily we get triggered by everyday life. I know because I’ve lived it for 18 years.
My son’s autism diagnosis came in early 2007. My daughter was just 11 months old. Not long after, I went through a divorce and my son was diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety as well. The grief that came from the social worries, doctor’s visits, lack of school support, financial insecurity, insensitivity of well-meaning people and isolation from the life I once knew was all-consuming. Nobody can prepare you for the emotional, at times, traumatic experiences special needs parenting brings. The daily obstacles that must be navigated with no reference point or guide. In those early years I was overwhelmed, full of self-doubt and guilt, anxious and exhausted. A few friendships provided me some support and understanding but only those with exceptional children themselves really knew what I was going through. I leaned heavily on them then felt guilty about it. They had their own children to care for.
What I was searching for was space to let my guard down. Unwavering support. A mentor. A guide.
Someone to tell me, “It’ll be okay. Things are hard now but you can do this and do it well.”, “It WILL get easier!”
I needed a non-judgemental cheerleader who would accept me, listen to me, and share their experiences as a parent so I felt less alone. I needed to witness someone who had lived and thrived with an exceptional child. It would have lifted my spirits and calmed my frazzled nerves. Someone who could validate my experiences and help me and my child be our best. Someone to help me navigate the rough waters with greater ease.
After years of searching I found who I had been looking for.
That person is me. I became the support I wished for.
I reached this place of autonomy with the help of a network of people I reached out to over the years; my supportive extended family, a caring naturopath, an empathetic family doctor, a loving yoga teacher and a supportive energy healer. I learned how to calm my nervous system and express my feelings, something I had not been taught how to do. I invested thousands in therapy and self development. I studied metaphysics and how to work with energy. Under the care of my beloved teacher, I learned the art of Classical yoga and became more aware and present in my mind and body. I created a consciousness card system that helped regulate emotional states and align with higher ones. I strengthened my intuitive abilities and learned to trust myself again. And the greatest learning of all;
I realized that my needs mattered.
I discovered my well-being was essential for my success as a parent and as a human being. I awakened to the knowing that if I could funnel all the love and compassion I had for my child to myself first, I would have an easier, more enjoyable, even inspiring life.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to help my 26 year-old self; sleep deprived, depressed and grief-stricken. The mom who saw her social circles inch away slowly because she didn’t have the energy for socializing and her child didn’t act like other children did. The one who went from specialist to specialist trying to find answers and solutions. Or the 30 year-old me, with a newborn, a struggling marriage and a 4 year-old who was labelled a “flight risk” at school. Managing daily meltdowns from separation anxiety and sensory overload from his kindergarten classroom. The one who pored over cookbooks in search of foods that didn’t trigger eczema or diarrhea. Or who searched constantly for schools, programs and professionals hoping to find one that could support my son.
Fast forward to present day. My son is just about to turn 18 and he is thriving. He has matured, mastered skills far beyond other people’s expectations and he has, with incredible bravery, overcome countless obstacles. He has healed physically and emotionally from those early traumas. Many of the symptoms affecting him have drastically minimized. Some of the more troublesome symptoms have dissolved completely. He is an extraordinary human being.
I devoted over a decade to his special needs care and development. My education was my everyday life; the highest form of learning I have known. I put off post-graduate education and higher paying jobs for a lower paying job that allowed me, as a single parent, flexibility if the school called with a crisis or one of the kids was ill. And I don’t regret it. I am so grateful for all of it. Those years, as tough as they were, made me into the parent and the person I am today. Someone with more patience, tolerance and compassion. Someone who is creative and resourceful and wise.
Both my children are kind, compassionate, artistically gifted, responsible human beings. Our life now is not without its hiccups, but we have found our groove. We can laugh and enjoy each other’s company. We can vision about the future together without chaos and crisis clouding our dreams.
The past 18 years gifted me with a compassion for parents so deep that it compelled me to leave my 20 year career in social services to start a wellness practice that includes support for exceptional parents. One that includes many of the practices and approaches that helped me the most. Offering the kind of support I wished I had and the validation I so desperately needed 18 years ago.
I now have the time and energy to focus on what other parents need in their complex lives. My greatest joy is offering encouragement and intuitive guidance to help meet their needs in creative and inspiring ways. And most importantly, my passion is helping parents access their greatness and cultivate the support they need from within. This takes dedicated time, presence, compassion and affirmation and can be incredibly comforting when it comes from someone who has walked a similar path.
If you can relate to my story, I applaud you for the incredible bravery and resilience you’ve harnessed so far on your journey. The world needs you and your unique gifts as much as your child and family need you now. If you would like to meet with me for a free 30-minute online session, send me an email. I’d love to hear your story and offer my heart-felt support.
You are worth it.
